Need, desire, consumerism, oh my!

Last night, when I wasn't sleeping, but should have been, I noticed something strange. I was in that tired, but slightly delusional state of awareness that comes with lying awake in the middle of the night and having a hyperactive brain. I was sick of thinking about getting a job (it turns out I'm quite stressed about that, although while awake during the day I'm not really aware of how much it bothers me) so was trying to breathe slowly and deeply and meditate myself into a calmer state. Suddenly I noticed an uncomfortably strong feeling of need, of lacking something. I decided that since I wasn't doing anything else more useful, like sleeping, I would lie quietly and observe the feeling. I eventually figured out that it was accompanied by a bunch of thoughts about what I could buy tomorrow if I went out shopping, none of which I actually needed. Then I started thinking about things I could get to fill the hole of desire I felt, if I got up. Maybe I was thirsty or hungry. Maybe my need was aesthetic: I could go look at the night sky. Maybe I wanted to play with the cat. Watching all these thoughts was fascinating and, yes, strange. I started to think that if this feeling came over people really strongly or when they were out at shops or had just been paid, especially if they weren't really aware of it and just acted on it, then that might be the impetus for a lot of shopping sprees (i.e. consumerism). Gradually the feeling and thoughts went away and I fell back to sleep. It did occur to me this morning that it might have been more useful to observe and diffuse the stress that had been keeping me awake initially than this little spurt of late-night shopping impulse. I'll try to do better next time (and this is what I meant yesterday about self improvement being more work than home improvement).