Life is a like a...

I've just read yet another article about how passionate, happy couples are ones that fight occasionally, then make-up. Those articles make me anxious and a little sad because my husband and I have always been one of those couples that don't fight. We have discussions; we disagree on philosophies or ideologies, but on most things we agree or compromise. I think we do this because neither of us learned to fight and make-up in healthy ways from our parents – his are too polite and restrained, mine are too unevenly matched so avoided confrontation. Now we are following those patterns: don't get worked up about little things, confrontation can get out of control and noisy so vent your anger in other ways, in public always maintain your dignity and a calm voice, compromise makes everyone happy, and so on. It wasn't until our marriage trouble of this year that I saw that these ideas could be a problem. Following these patterns has had the result that we've never really had the fun that comes with a make-up, we've never fully aired our issues with each other, we've repressed our negative feelings and got bored. It's got to the point when, even if a fight were appropriate (like with some revelations made in the thick of our near-divorce) we couldn't have one. We were too out of practice. Now, I think we need to try to make our life a little more like a novel (or any good story), which has ups and downs, as well as changes in pace and mood. The characters don't get angry about nothing, but they don't do nothing in the face of stimulus. Rewriting this aspect (I could have said chapter, but that might be overdoing the analogy) of our marriage might prove to be as difficult and time consuming as writing a novel too. At least I have some experience with novel-writing, if not healthy fighting.