It’s my birthday this week. I’m excited to go out for a fancy dinner with friends; I’m wondering what my husband’s got me; and I’m dreading having Happy Birthday sung to me at work. Last year I started this job on my birthday so no one knew. This year it’ll be my one year anniversary and my birthday, both causes for cake and celebration around the office. This fills me with dread and embarrassment. I can’t really figure out why. I don’t mind being the centre of attention when I’m teaching a class of students. I think enough people know I’m gluten free to get a cake I can actually eat. Maybe I don’t feel like I deserve it. I know I work hard, but perhaps there’s leftover dread of being noticed from my previous, anxiety-inducing, dysfunctional school. So I’m trying to remind myself that if/when cake appears, it’s because people care about me, which is nice (and because they like cake).
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