The terror of an acceptance (96/100)

Yesterday I pitched two ideas for articles to a magazine. One I had written up a few versions; the other I hadn't written anything yet. I included it because I figured two ideas was better than one. That turns out to be true because the editor liked only my second idea. I was struck momentarily with excitement: I finally submitted something that was not rejected! But I think I've got used to rejection because my next thought was oh shit! My terror was based on a spiral of self-doubting statements: what if I don't write what she wants? What if I can't get it together within the timeframe? What if it's not right for the magazine after all? What if I completely forget how to string words together and collapse into an incoherent mess for the next two weeks? I managed to calm down after making some notes of story ideas, deciding on a direction for the article, as well as some serious meditation. Now I'm off the roller-coaster of anxiety and able to hopefully write an engaging and relevant article over the weekend.

Has anyone else experienced a negative emotional response to a positive event?

Rum and ridiculous TV (95/100)

Tonight my husband is out at a work function. I've spent a very enjoyable night getting accidentally drunk on an invented cocktail (it may exist somewhere, but I didn't know about it so it still counts as invention, like those societies who separately invented the wheel). While I sipped, I watched a silly, girly TV show. It occurred to me that girls like this show because it's not normal to go on elaborate, professionally produced dates and we'd all like to be wooed. I'm declaring this a self-date night.

94/100 – Posted on The Migraine Game about migraine warning signs.

The power of novelty (93/100)

I have been meditating almost every morning for the past three weeks. I didn't write about it because I've found that writing about my good intentions often jinxes me and I don't continue with the beneficial exercise – but that's another issue. Last week, during some of my meditations I found myself anticipating or reciting the guiding instructions, finding them boring. Then this morning I felt frustrated with the predictable vocal interruptions. I've obviously been using the same app for too long. So when I finished this morning's session, I downloaded two new guided meditations. Now I'm looking forward to tomorrow's session when I get to try one of them out.

Similarly, my blog writing has been rejuvenated by novelty. I am currently writing these blog posts by hand at some point during the day. This is better than composing them on the computer right before bed. I do it when I'm motivated, not necessarily in front of my computer, so it doesn't feel like a chore. Also, the act of writing and editing by hand accesses a different flow of thoughts and words.

Have you noticed any difference in the posts from the last week or two?

Being a responsible adult (92/100)

Often I don't feel like a grown-up. Although I usually act calm and responsible, underneath there is often a feeling of awe or being out of my depth. I'm regularly amazed that life just ticks along seemingly of its own accord. It still surprises (and delights) me that I get to pick what I have for dinner – it could be ice cream before spaghetti bolognese covered in cheese, it that's what I felt like. No one stops me if I want to go shopping or play tennis on the weekend instead of doing laundry and washing the floors. Today my husband and I were very mature and pragmatic: we saw a lawyer to get a real, legal will made.

What silly thing I should do tonight to remind myself not to take life too seriously?

91/100 – On Twitter – The only time I didn't have a headache today was when I was writing (and I got ~1000 words/hour done). Me thinks it's a sign.

Matter over mind (90/100)

Today I worked at my school's open day. It was interesting and rewarding meeting hundreds of perspective students and their parents – directing them where to go, touring them around the campus, explaining our programs. It meant that I came home exhausted, though. So although I mentally wanted to go out and be sociable, find something interesting and stimulating to do, I was too sore. Instead we had a quiet night at home.

I'm grateful for a place where I can have a relaxing recharge after a big day, but my mind is still imagining all the exciting things to do beyond our doorstep.

Rediscovering an old favourite (89/100)

Tonight we watched favourite movie that I've been feeling like watching for the last several days. I dug through our storage closet and unearthed an old DVD version. Unfortunately it was from another country and wouldn't play in our DVD player. Then we looked on iTunes, but it wasn't there. Finally, I remembered that friends had given us a copy just before they moved back to the USA. Since I've seen the movie so many times but not in recent years, I had the double pleasure of not remembering what happened at the climax while also knowing when my favourite scenes were coming up.

When was the last time you watched your favourite movie?

88/100 – A blog post on The Migraine Game about anxiety.

The benefits of turning off the TV (87/100)

Since it's Winter it easier to get cozy and lethargic, spending hours in front of the TV, which is in the only properly heated room in our house. Those times I feel mind-numbed and slothful when I finally turn it off and go to bed. Tonight, we turned off the TV an hour before bed. The benefits of that were: cleaning up the kitchen before climbing into bed and wishing we'd done it before; having enough time and energy to read or do other things in bed before falling asleep; and feeling productive and stimulated by the evenings entertainment rather than dulled by it. I need to not get sucked into mindless TV, but it's easy and energy-dampening, and

therefore self-perpetuating. Now I'm going to implement a screen time curfew, and put this computer away.

86/100 – Posted on the Migraine Game

Creativity and professionalism (85/100)

Today I am grateful for the creativity my work allows me and the professionalism of most of my colleagues. I had a few cancelled student appointments this afternoon so I spent the time designing a series of workshops for next term. I didn't have to; there's no impending deadline; doing it or not doesn't really affect anyone but me since students don't miss what they never had. All this combined to enhance the pleasure of creativity. In terms of professionalism, the school counsellor rescheduled a staff workshop for the fourth time this morning, hours before she was supposed to run it. This highlighted the fact that most of the other people I work with generally honour their commitments and are aware of their impact on others.

Cures for the common cold (84/100)

I've been busy over the past few days, but whenever I stop, I get sniffly, sore and tired. On Friday night I went to a friend's house and caught up with a group of people I used to teach with. We had a lot of fun, especially when someone brought out the iPad and opened Heads Up. Despite my goal of not staying too late so I could be in bed at a reasonable time, it was after midnight when I got home. Saturday morning I hosted my writing group and I enjoyed reading and critiquing the others' work. When they left, I went back to bed and slept for several hours. Then on Saturday night two other couples came over for dinner. I had been worried that I would be sniffling and coughing all through the meal, but I didn't. After they left, then my nose started dripping. Finally, today I've spent a lot of time beginning a new novel manuscript. I've been able to focus and not get up every five minutes to blow my nose or have a coughing fit. Although busyness is not a sustainable cure, it has helped me have a funner weekend than lying around in bed nursing this cold would have been.

Uncommon commonalities (82/100)

Tonight I went out for dinner with a friend who used to be part of my book club. Since I hadn't really spent much one-on-one time with her, I didn't know how much we'd have to talk about. Contrary to my fears, we made excellent conversation all through drinks, dinner and dessert. Our waiter had to come back three times before we were ready to order. We found that we share many surprising, uncommon interests and experiences. I now much look forward to our next catch-up, whenever that is.

80/100 – On the Migraine Game

81/100 – on Twitter: A great writing class today, tons of story ideas generated, but how many are good?

I'm a readie (like a foodie, only smarter) (79/100)

Someone asked me last week what I like to read. Answering with 'everything' seemed too undiscerning so I mumbled something about 'all sorts'. Reading is a lot like eating. Right now I'm savouring a large dish of early 20th century literature in the form of On Human Bondage by W. Somerset Maugham. Although I'm enjoying it, I'm beginning to crave a light, fluffy YA fantasy for dessert.

My husband said my slogan should be 'been there, read that'. He's probably right and I don't mind being widely read. It annoys the members of my book club so much so that I'm now in charge of collating the others' to-read lists into three varied choices each month. To this end, I was reading a list of the best book club books on GoodReads. I had read 45 out of the top 50 on the list.

For me books are as vital and varied as food, so what is your preferred meal/genre?

Freshly cut grass (77/100)

On my way home from work yesterday a car tried to hit me. I was in the bike lane, she wanted to turn right and didn't look before sliding over. This put me in an angry mood until I rode through the park and smelt the newly mown lawn. The scent always takes me back to carefree summer days when my dad would mow the grass of our huge yard. Yesterday it calmed me and took my mind off the repetitive rant in my head about bad drivers and the danger they pose to cyclists. It also made me wish we had some grass in our now yard instead of all bricks and pots.

That was last night's post which I wrote but forget to post. Tonight I'm grateful for meeting a new friend over delicious, homemade
gluten free food. Since I had several glasses of bubbly wine I'm feeling very happy but not inclined to write anymore. There are more fun things I can be doing with my time.

Perfectly normal day (76/100)

Today was a normal day, but contained a perfect variety of experiences, each for the ideal duration. I spent a productive morning reworking a short story and in the process discovered something pivotal about the character and the ending of the story. This is one of the things I love about being a writer: I wrote the story, I reordered the events, I added a few extra details and all of a sudden there's a new, complete and surprising story which I don't feel like I thought up. Then I cleaned the bathroom, which I will properly appreciate when I have a shower in the morning. After a five hour work shift, which was moderately busy, I met up with a women writers social group and engaged in the right amount of getting-to-know-you awkwardness with a mix of really interesting conversations. I left that after an hour so I had time to pick up pizza for dinner on my way home. I ate that while watching trashy TV since my husband is out tonight. Then the cat and I snuggled on the couch under a blanket. Finally, I'm ending the day in my nice warm bed, reading a good book.

75/100 – was a Twitter post: Workshopping in writing class: nice to get helpful feedback, hard to be tactful and constructive about really bad storytelling.

Quality colleagues (74/100)

I am lucky to have the colleagues that I do. Today I had very funny banter in the staff room over coffee with one. I also let my manager know that I would be away for a few hours next week to see my neurologist and she didn't condemn me for going in the middle of the day. Another colleague has agreed to give me some feedback on my new teacher's guide. Finally I was asked to present one of my student workshops about making effective presentations to the student recruiting team. It's nice to know that my workshops have value even for the staff. Also it was a really good chance to make practical use of some of the ideas in my teaching guide.

Stunning cycle to work (73/100)

Today I'm grateful for a stunning, sunny day which made my bike ride to work glorious. It was so nice that another cyclist turned around on his bike while we were stopped at the lights to comment on it. My legs were a bit sore and my hands were numb on the ride home, but it was all worth it for the perfect riding temperature and vitamin D of the ride to work.

Sore, stiff and satisfied (72/100)

Today was a lovely, sunny day. It was cold in the morning, but the afternoon it was warm enough to work outside without a coat. The work I did was weeding. Aside from ending up with a tired back and hips, it is satisfying because I can see my own progress. When I started weeding there were unwanted green shoots blanketing our back courtyard and garden pots. After an hour or two only a third is left overgrown (it will stay that way until later in the week when I have time to tackle it).



Unlike most teaching, weeding has measurable, immediately obvious results. This feedback makes the soreness worth it. Writing is somewhere between teaching and weeding in terms of feedback: I can see words being generated, filling the page, but I don't know their quality or worth until I go through the long process of submitting them for publication. I think it's good to have a balance of external reinforcement of effort and internal self-motivation.

The harder it is, the more it's respected -- sometimes (71/100)

This morning I was researching education journals and magazines to pitch a story idea to (the importance of nurturing teacher well-bring so that teachers can continue to care for their students). I found a really useful education website with many interesting articles on it. When I looked into their submission requirements, it said anyone can post an article, which will be reviewed by their team and considered for inclusion in their print magazine. I thought, 'Great! That would be a simple and effective way to get this article published.' I wouldn't have to pitch before sending the article which takes time; I wouldn't have to wait for editors to get back to me before writing it; and it's a really interesting, varied education website on which I would be happy to display my writing. Then it occurred to me: that website probably isn't as respected as other education publications with a more traditional, time-consuming publication process. Since part of my goal for this article is to gain some credit and acknowledgment to help my teaching resource book get published, then I should start with the best and most appropriate journal and work down from there.

I began thinking, then, about professions that are respected because not everyone can succeed at them: doctors, pilots and judges came to mind. However, there are many difficult professions that people don't hold in high enough esteem for various reasons: teachers, police, nurses and paramedics. I think one reason teachers are not respected enough is because everyone knows some teachers, everyone has been through school to some degree and everyone can probably remember a teacher who did a less than ideal job. I can't speak to why people don't value the police, nurses and paramedics enough despite the long hours the complexity and the necessity of the job they do.

70/100 -- Friday: It was another night of stormy Winter weather. I was thankful for our cozy house where we spent the night in front of the fire watching a thought-provoking movie (The Dallas Buyers Club). I forgot to post last night before climbing into bed and it was too cold to get up for the computer once I was there.

69/100 -- Thursday: I drove out to a friend's house in the suburbs. The weather was horrendous with heavy rain and wind. I was grateful for my safe, sturdy car and a friendly welcome at the other end. We had delicious pasta for dinner, which I brought, then ice cream, which she had bought because she knew I liked it. I got home too late to post.

68/100 -- Posted on Twitter: Another kind rejection, this time with constructive feedback. I'm on a roll!

67/100 -- Posted on The Migraine Game

Note that in this post double hyphens equal N dashes. There's something wrong with my character map; it won't insert anything.