Lessons from Kindergarten: sharing

When we were kids, we were encouraged to share our toys and supplies. This promoted caring, selflessness, diplomacy and other important skills. Now as adults it isn't so much about sharing material goods as it is about sharing personal information, which sometimes leads to vulnerability. This week I learned some valuable lessons about sharing.

Photo by Brittany Miller Martin
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First, because of differing definitions of personal privacy, sharing comes more naturally to some people. For instance, my colleague told me about a holiday she's taking and I got excited with her, but I didn't ask who she was going with. A few days later she excitedly told me about how her newish boyfriend is taking her on their first trip away together. I didn't ask because I figured she'd tell me anything she wanted to share. On the other hand, she often asks colleagues and students about matters I would deem personal and private. My colleague is very friendly and she shows she cares by asking people about their lives. So being private, shy or too discreet could seem uncaring.

The second lesson I learned is that, as adults, sharing personal experiences and issues has many of the same benefits as sharing toys did in Kindergarten. Telling my family in person (no status updates used) about needing surgery has allowed them to show their care and concern for me. It's helped us bond and strengthened our relationship.

I always thought that adults were stronger and better adjusted if they dealt with their problems themselves. I thought it was whiny or selfish if I told family and friends about my issues. I've realised that good sharing comes down to three things:

1. how you tell people – in person rather than mass status updates,
2. your motivation for telling them – sharing, being open and vulnerable, yes; wanting an outpouring of sympathy in response, no and
3. how often you share issues – too often and it becomes overwhelming and annoying for others, even if they love you.

Why does it take me so long to learn these valuable life lessons? Am I the only one who's a slow learner?